Whose bridesmaid am I?

bridesmaid engagement lesbian wedding

If you’re lucky, this starts with a phone call from an overexcited pal. If you’re not, you’ll see a sparkly ring on facebook like everyone else. 💍 Your best friends are engaged. 💍

Usually when a couple gets engaged, we’re used to automatically being more affiliated with one side of the pair, even if you’re all three brilliant friends - for me, this is usually the girl, a sign of my main friendship group being exclusively girls. But when both people ARE girls, this is confusing. 👰🏻👸🏻👰🏻

Maybe you started off as explicitly a friend of Bride #1… but over the course of many years, it’s understandable that you become a tight-knit threesome of galpals. It’s totally unavoidable. So now, upon engagement… who do you ‘belong’ to?

The question flips from ‘will I be bridesmaid’ to ‘whose bridesmaid will I be’ should you be so fortunate to be asked at all. Or will they have joint bridesmaids? Will they have ushers, or just a tribe of wedding helpers? Am I in competition with their other friends for one leadership position, aka maid of honour, or two? If there are separate hen dos, whose do I go to?

It’s for this reason that hen dos specifically often get made into one mega event. When Carla and Lily got married, their maid of honour did just that, upon her brides’ request, but had to design quite different sub-events to cater for their vastly different tastes. It’s quite the undertaking to design an event that hits the spot for two different human beings.

But in terms of belonging? It matters less where you see yourself belonging.

I promise you, this is something that the brides will debate at length. Then they’ll decide whether it’s worth separating, when it’s good to do that, and when it’s right to join up. Everyone tackles it slightly differently.

If you do get to be part of the bride tribe, and have hen party management responsibilities, just make sure you gather their requirements: hopes, dreams and absolutely nots. Oh… and whether they want to celebrate their last night of lesbian freedom together, or apart. 👯

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